Oh, poor Justice Clarence Thomas! It seems like the esteemed member of the Supreme Court and his lovely wife, Ginni, have been having a rough go of it lately. During the 11th Circuit Judicial Conference, Thomas took to the stage to air his grievances, lamenting about the “lies” and “nastiness” they’ve had to endure in recent years. Cry me a river, Clarence!

According to Thomas, Washington, D.C., has become a “hideous place.” Well, I guess that’s what happens when you’re part of the highest court in the land and your wife is a conservative activist who loves to stir the pot on Facebook. It’s like they’re the power couple from hell, wreaking havoc on the nation’s capital one controversial statement at a time.

But fear not, dear attendees, for Thomas has a solution to this mean-spirited world we live in. He argues that while you can’t stop people from saying horrible things (like, oh I don’t know, calling out his questionable ethics), you can choose not to let it change you. How profound! I’m sure all those pesky journalists and critics will just magically disappear now that Thomas has imparted this nugget of wisdom.

Of course, Thomas conveniently neglected to mention the real reason he’s been under fire lately. It turns out that our esteemed justice has been living the high life, accepting luxury gifts and trips from a Republican donor for decades without ever reporting them. But don’t worry, folks, it’s all above board! Thomas claims these were just gifts from one of his “dearest friends.” I’m sure that excuse would work for the rest of us mere mortals, right?

And let’s not forget about Ginni Thomas, the social media warrior who apparently can’t resist the urge to bash President Biden on Facebook. I mean, who needs to maintain a sense of impartiality and decorum when you can just let loose on social media like a teenager with a grudge?

But enough about their personal woes. Let’s talk about the real victim here: U.S. District Judge Kathryn Kimball Mizelle, who had the unenviable task of asking Thomas a wide range of questions during this conference. From his former beliefs to his court writings and life lessons from his grandfather, Mizelle had to sit through it all with a straight face. Someone give this woman a medal for her patience!

In the end, it’s just another day in the life of Clarence and Ginni Thomas, the dynamic duo who never fail to make headlines for all the wrong reasons. But hey, at least they’ve got each other to lean on in this “hideous” world of Washington, D.C. politics. Maybe they can start a support group for beleaguered conservative power couples. I’m sure they’d have plenty of members in no time!